Friday, December 21, 2012

Putting Down Fresh Tracks

This morning I didn't think it would be a big deal but what looms ahead is, without a doubt, unsettling, but not for reasons you might think. I want to be the best husband, not just that I can be, but the best in the world, as in getting voted Time Magazine's Husband of the Year for more years in a row than any other husband. The pressure to be the best is heavy. For someone who likes independence as much as I do, I know being in a committed relationship is going to mean tons of work. I already know some of the areas I need to improve upon and I am sure more areas I need to improve upon will come to light very quickly as the marriage commences.

I am not talking about the big things like cheating and lying; I am talking about the little things like saying nice things even though you don't necessarily want to, cleaning up after my wife without saying anything snide (just doing it!), not bitching about the fact that I filled up the dogs' water bowl 500 million times in a row compared to her 2, and making sure that at least 75%...okay, maybe 99% of the decisions I make have her considerations in mind as well as the end result benefitting my own selfish needs. My sister left me a voicemail yesterday that was full of good advice but what stuck with me was when said: "make sure you do sweet things for each other." Gracie is already well ahead of me on this one so being reminded that reciprocity is important in a relationship was well timed.

For a lot of years I never thought this morning would ever happen and if it did I thought I would be that guy who passed out at the altar. The joke between Gracie and I as she has gone out on countless bachelorette excursions has been - you don't get a bachelor party you've had a bachelor party for the last 43 years. Everything happens for a reason...

I would not be in the position I am in this morning without becoming the man that I have become due to countless failures over the last several decades. Failures is a terrible word choice, but I cannot come up with a better word for it is early and I have a lot on my plate today...

Let me try and say it differently - I cringe when I look back at how I acted on some dates, in some relationships, and on some occasions during moments leading up to possible romantic encounters. I honestly don't think I started growing up until I turned 38. But I will say this - I never "settled", never have never will. All my romantic pursuits were after top-shelf women because I was enamored by the beauty on the outside and intrigued with what made the inside tick. And I am forever grateful for every moment and cherished memory that occurred because each was indeed a privilege bestowed upon me. From each of these experiences I learned a great deal because I was pretty much an idiot most of the time. Now, and only now, am I able to take this great step toward maturity after recognizing my foolishness and then making the proper (hopefully) adjustments. I feel very fortunate not only because when I look at my past I see nothing but incredible beauty but the beauty that waits ahead of me is rather overwhelming.

The sun has risen high above the buildings now and I need to start getting cleaned up and dressed in my new duds. I know that all three people who will read this are either good friends or family so I look forward to celebrating this wonderful day with you at some point in the very near future!!

A song just popped into my head which I think makes for a good start to the day (minus the somewhat sad ending of course)

Big hugs to all!